AND THE WINNER IS…
Entry #54
Name: Tanya Asrar
Company: Premier Workspaces
Building: One Allen Center-Allen
June 13-19, 2022
Did you hear about the restaurant in the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
We know. It is not that funny, but Father’s Day is coming up fast and dads across the Accesso Club portfolio will be celebrated! In anticipation, we encourage you to share your dad’s favorite funny joke and a picture. Show off your Fatherly Funny Bone!
Share with us your Dad’s best (or worst) joke for a chance to win a $50 Amazon Gift Card!
Contest Rules:
- Deadline is midnight June 19, 2022
- You allow Accesso Club to use your submission for the newsletter, social media, and website
- Anything considered offensive will not be displayed and will be excluded from the contest
- The winner will be announced June 24, 2022
- Contest open only to tenants of Accesso properties
- Participants must work in an Accesso building
- Participants must be Accesso Club registered members
All Entries:
Entry # 1
Name: Patrick Manning
Company: Accesso
Building: One Allen Center-Allen
Why do Seagulls fly by the Sea?
Because if they flew by the Bay, they would be called “Bagels”!!
Entry # 2
Name: Susan Strange
Company: Health Care Service Corporation
Building: Highland Oaks I & II-Downers Grove
Me: It’s a bad allergy day. What’s that weird sound?
Dad: It’s me breathing, would you like me to stop?
Entry # 3
Name: Kim Murray
Company: Accesso
Building: 1776 Yorktown-Houston
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
Entry # 4
Name: Charline Roth
Company: SouthState Bank
Building: Platinum Tower-Atlanta
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
HDMI
Entry # 5
Name: Marcie Rush
Company: Sipcam Agro
Building: Meridian-Durham
Q: Why wouldn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Ready for it?????
A: Because he didn’t have the guts
Entry # 6
Name: Bennett Bretches
Company: Buffalo Bayou Resources
Building: One City Centre-Houston
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
I heard it was in tents.
Entry # 7
Name: Joseph Fucile
Company: Hartman Simons & Wood LLP
Building: Platinum Tower-Atlanta
The doctor said I got the peek-a-boo virus!
They sent me straight to the ICU
Entry # 8
Name: Zac Hoppe
Company: Brown & Brown
Building: IDS Center-Minneapolis
I’d say, “Yeah, go ahead.” He’d respond with “Why ya callin’ me a goathead?”
Entry # 9
Name: Jessica Doffing
Company: United Language Group
Building: Towers at West End-St. Louis Park
Dad: Can you hand me the hammerfor?
Me: What’s a hammerfor?
Dad: Pounding nails
Entry # 10
Name: Sheryl Novak
Company: Accesso
Building: 230 W. Monroe-Chicago
Why did the cookie go see the doctor? Because he felt CRUMMY!
Entry # 11
Name: Robert Graham
Company: Accesso
Building: 1776 Yorktown-Houston
My dad used to tell me “you’re so bright I call you son.”
Entry # 12
Name: Loretta Walker
Company: Strategic Diversified LLC/APCO HOLDINGS
Building: Westlakes-Berwyn
We were at a restaurant the other night and my dad asked the waitress if she takes orders to go.
The waitress said, ” Yes of course”.
Dad said, “Get your hat and coat!”.
Entry # 13
Name: Monet Banks
Company: Allstate
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
I hit the gym today but I drove away because I don’t have any car insurance
Entry # 14
Name: Gaurang Patel
Company: MoneyGram Intl
Building: Towers at West End-St. Louis Park
Hello,
Mom told DAD , you do not have to do Dishes today it’s father’s day enjoy !
However Dishes were waiting for DAD on Monday morning.
Ha ha 🙂
Entry # 15
Name: Andrea Veith
Company: Littler Mendelson
Building: IDS Center-Minneapolis
“Have you ever noticed how many guys’ names are verbs?
Chuck
Bob
Phil
Don
Russell
Doug
Barry
Bill
Ralph
……..”
Entry # 16
Name: Sarah Welde
Company: Campbell Conroy & O’Neil, P.C.
Building: Westlakes-Berwyn
What’s the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty
Entry # 17
Name: Matthew Brake
Company: Campbell
Building: Westlakes-Berwyn
What is the difference between a good joke and a dad joke? It should be “apparent”
Entry # 18
Name: Natasha Valdez
Company: Houston Surgical Specialists
Building: 6330 West Loop South-Houston
What does the tick and Eiffel tower have in common?
Paris sites
Entry # 19
Name: SHARI STIGLIC
Company: DESMAN, INC
Building: 20 N. Clark-Chicago
Father: Did you know that a Lion could never play golf?
son: Because he doesn’t have any hands.
Father: Yep, but a Tiger Wood.
Entry # 20
Name: Kevin Donohue
Company: Enterprise Holdings
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
My bank keeps calling me to give me compliments. They tell me I have an “outstanding balance”
Entry # 21
Name: Mark Gallardo
Company: Accesso
Building: One Park Ten- San Antonio
Why did the hipster real estate agent refuse to show the riverfront property?
…..It was too current!
Entry # 22
Name: Paul Lockwood
Company: Vitality Group
Building: 200 W. Monroe-Chicago
My dad has been gone for almost 26 years now, but I got my sense of humor from him, and one of the first jokes I recall – an oldie, but a goodie – was one I think he probably was the first to share with me:
“What’s black and white and ‘red’ all over? A newspaper!”
Years later, I think I made him proud when I had a joke published in the Orlando Sentinel as the best/worst pun they’d received in response to a request of their readers. It went something like this:
Michael Eisner, the chair of Disney at the time, wanted to check out some of the competition for the tourism dollar, so one weekend, he visited downtown Orlando’s “Terror on Church Street” attraction. But he was unprepared for how bloody the various scenes were and stumbled out an exit into the street, seeing a Ford Escort at the last second and jumping out of the way in time. A Disney publicist was asked about the events of the evening and he broke into song: “Mike Eisner’s seen the gory and the coming of the Ford!”
Entry # 23
Name: Mark Roth
Company: McMahon
Building: 1515 Market Street-Philadelphia
Horse walks into a bar, the bartender says “why the long face?”
Entry # 24
Name: SHAWN WILLIAMS
Company: W&S FINANCIAL GROUP
Building: Weston I & II-Cary
How are nurses and red crayons a like?
Sometimes they have to draw blood
Entry # 25
Name: Madelyn Woodson
Company: Softeq Development Corporation
Building: Ashford-Houston
Where does Napoleon keep his armies? Up his sleevies!
Entry # 26
Name: Leslie Lindsey
Company: Texas Children’s Health Plan
Building: 6330 West Loop South-Houston
My dad told me his password is:
MickeyMinnieGoofyDonaldPlutoHueyLouieDeweyDublin
Because he was told his password had to contain 8 characters and at least one Capital.
Entry # 27
Name: Lindsay Van Lith
Company: Patterson Thuente IP
Building: IDS Center-Minneapolis
Why does the Norwegian Navy have barcodes on their ships?
So they can Scandinavian.
Entry # 28
Name: Rebecca Radtke
Company: Littler Mendelson
Building: IDS Center-Minneapolis
Why did the can crusher hate his job?
Because it was “soda” pressing!
Entry # 29
Name: Andrea Veith
Company: Littler Mendelson
Building: IDS Center-Minneapolis
My favorite vampire from literature is the one in Sesame Street. Some people don’t think that he counts, but… he absolutely does!
Entry # 30
Name: Stefanie Van Horne
Company: Mohle Adams LLP
Building: 3900 Essex-Houston
Do you know how to steal a coat?
You Jacket
Entry # 31
Name: Rayh Heston
Company: Sipcam Agro USA, Inc.
Building: Meridian-Durham
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
BEEF JERKY….
Entry # 32
Name: April Hildre
Company: Paramount
Building: IDS Center-Minneapolis
was trying to think of a wood working pun but didn’t think it wood work….nailed it!
Entry # 33
Name: Kelly McGuire
Company: GZA GeoEnvironmental, Inc.
Building: 1515 Market Street-Philadelphia
Where do dads store their dad jokes?
In the dad-a-base.
Entry # 34
Name: Jacob Trobe
Company: Fidelity National Tittle
Building: 20 N. Clark-Chicago
Why was the computer late for work?
-He had a slow, hard drive
What jam can’t you eat?
– A traffic jam
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
-In case he got a hole in one.
Happy Fathers Day!!! 🙂
Entry # 35
Name: Jon Hanson
Company: Taft Law
Building: IDS Center-Minneapolis
If you trip and fall in your own driveway, it’s your own asphalt.
Entry # 36
Name: Christine Galione
Company: Redgrave LLP
Building: 230 W. Monroe-Chicago
Every morning, I keep getting hit by the same bicycle.
It’s a vicious cycle.
Entry # 37
Name: Kendra Grier
Company: Wells Fargo
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
What did 2 eggs say at a party?
Omlet! (I’m lit)
Entry # 38
Name: Ilsy Cruz
Company: ALLSTATE
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad!
What Kind of shorts do clouds wear?
THUNDERWEAR!
What do you call an Alligator in a vest?
An INVESTIGATOR!
Enjoy!
Entry # 39
Name: Steve Watts
Company: Connected Development
Building: Weston I & II-Cary
The guy who wrote the hokey pokey died. At the funeral home they were putting him in his coffin.
They put his left leg in, and that’s when the trouble started!
Entry # 40
Name: Deborah Birkbeck
Company: Strategic Diversified
Building: Westlakes-Berwyn
I used to be addicted to soap…
but I’m clean now.
Entry # 41
Name: Michael Gillies
Company: Accesso
Building: Towers at West End-St. Louis Park
If I tell dad-jokes, but I’m not a dad, does that make me a… faux pas?
Entry # 42
Name: Katie Smith
Company: Equitable
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
Fun fact: Antarctica is the world’s largest desert.
If you put a cherry on top of it, it’s the world’s largest dessert.
Entry # 43
Name: Jennifer LaPell
Company: Heffler, Radetich & Saitta
Building: 1515 Market Street-Philadelphia
What starts with W and ends with T?
It really does I swear!
Entry # 44
Name: Laura Ridgeway
Company: SAVISTA
Building: Encore Commons-Alpharetta
Me – “I am going to go get a hair cut.”
Dad – “Why not get them all cut?”
Entry # 45
Name: Viviana Diaz
Company: Accesso
Building: Accesso One-Hallandale
Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
Data! 😀
Entry # 46
Name: Rebecca Brennan
Company: TTI Floor Care
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
What did the papa buffalo say to the baby buffalo when he left for school?
Bi-son!
Entry # 47
Name: Ethan Ly
Company: TTI Floor Care
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
What sucks but doesn’t suck at the same time? A broken vacuum cleaner
Entry # 48
Name: Benjamin Fuller
Company: ITPS
Building: 10333 Richmond-Houston
Q: Why did the Cat family never get invited over for game night?
A: Because they’re all a bunch of “cheetahs”
Entry # 49
Name: Lacey Wilson
Company: Travelers
Building: Park Plaza-Naperville
What do you call a cow with no arms and no legs?
Ground beef!
Entry # 50
Name: Andrew Hanson
Company: Wells Fargo
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
What did 50 Cent do when he got hungry? 58
Entry # 51
Name: Tabitha Paulin
Company: TTI Floorcare
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
What do you call a cow after if gives birth? Decaffeinated. I’ll see myself out
Entry # 52
Name: Cedric Mendiola
Company: Brown & Brown
Building: IDS Center-Minneapolis
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space!
Entry # 53
Name: Robert Graham
Company: Accesso Services
Building: 6330 West Loop South-Houston
Do you know how a cat likes it’s steak? “rear”
Entry # 54
Name: Tanya Asrar
Company: Premier Workspaces
Building: One Allen Center-Allen
Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don’t know, but its flag is a big plus!
Entry # 55
Name: Kathleen Stewart
Company: Travelers Bond & Specialty Insurance
Building: Park Plaza-Naperville
Dad: Do you know why dogs have tails?
Me: No, why?
Dad: It helps them turn corners.
Ugh! 🙂
Entry # 56
Name: RAMIRO PONTON
Company: RGMILLER
Building: Atrium at Park Ten-Houston
What do you call bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Why is the ocean so blue?
Because the all fish go blue blue blue.
What did buffalo say to his kid?
Bye-son!
Why did the message board fell?
Because it was not a good sign.
Entry # 57
Name: Shawn Pachlhofer
Company: RG Miller Engineers
Building: Atrium at Park Ten-Houston
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because Seven ate Nine.
Entry # 58
Name: Rufai Ibrahim
Company: Viance
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no-eye deer.
Entry # 59
Name: Shelle Herstein
Company: Taft Stettinius & Hollister, LLP
Building: IDS Center-Minneapolis
Ok, not really a joke, but my dad is still a funny guy. He sent this to me today:
Entry # 60
Name: DIEGO VINDAS
Company: Allstate
Building: Innovation Park-Charlotte
